© Cat Diary, Mark Mason 2015
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May 2015
Getting your human to feed you requires great skill, not unlike professional wrestling moves the
humans seem to enjoy on television. The two ‘sports’ are closer than you would ever realize. The
number one goal is to get your human to recognize you are even there, ready for you daily meals.
Sometimes it takes some professional moves. Hence, the cat glossary of human/cat wrestling
moves to get you noticed (followed by an ‘effective rating’ of one paw to five).
Body Press – Simple rubbing up against human leg. This is not for affection, but to get them to
notice you are there. uu
Spinning knee – Circling your human’s leg in a continuous motion, with the tail straight up stroking
the knee. This is a warm, non-threatening greeting. Most humans ignore this, and you will be
forced to intensify your game. u u u
Forepaw chop – Swatting at the human’s leg, sans claws, to make them aware you are willing to
escalate the encounter, if necessary. u u
Leg Sweep – Using your back legs to entangle walking human’s feet, resulting in their hopping to
get out of your way. You are now on their radar. u u u u
Biting – Just what it sounds like. Ankles are most convenient. And be sure not to bite down too
hard. Make the human think it’s playful…at first. u u u u u
Hangman – Hanging from owner’s pants or skirt with your claws. If the talons can penetrate the
fabric to their skin, you’ve done it properly. This is not a scratch but a piercing. u u
Battering Ram – Using your head to butt into human. Done correctly it will telegraph this is not a
cuddle session, but that you mean business. u u u
Spinning knee – Circling your human’s leg in a continuous motion, with the tail straight up stroking
the knee. This is a warm, non-threatening greeting. Most humans ignore this, and you will be
forced to intensify your game. u u u u u
Body Avalanche – Throwing your entire body into the path of a walking human. The trick is to get
them to divert their direction (preferably towards the food bowl) or, better yet, trip them. u u
Facewash – Waking up your human by rubbing your tail on his or her face. Highly effective wake-
up tool, some owner’s think it’s cute. u u u u u
Stink Face – Waking up your human by *sitting* on his or her face. Beware: This is a nuclear
option…often results in human’s ornery mood. u
Big Boot – What may get from your human’s foot if you ‘wrestle’ the human too long. u
PS. It was a good day...
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